New Stuff That We Think Of:
Help Us To Help You!
This revival hasn't been around for very long. Therefore, our total grasp of Jesus and what he wants from you isn't crystal clear yet. We do know that he wants us to interpret his stories and the messages that he leaves on the answering machine. But we need money for that, so cut us a check. Just write "my spot in heaven" on the "For" space in the bottom corner. You didn't need that money. Think of it as a lottery you can win. Yea, that's it. If you give us money, it will show god that you believe in him, and you'll definetly get your own cloud and halo.
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To HELL with human nature!!!!
Human nature is root of all evils! Believe me my friends! It doesn't matter what the urge is! It can be financial, material, sexual, the list goes on and on.
If you are walking down the street and you see a hundred dollar bill laying on the sidewalk, don't pick it up! Are you insane? It's okay that the guy behind you just grabbed it. It doesn't matter that it's been laying there for over an hour. It might make you happy, and we can't have that, can we?
You walk in the door of your home and see your wife getting raped by some guy. Oh jesus, what do I do?!? Don't hit him! Just turn the other cheek. Everything happens because of god's will, and he has a plan behind everything. In fact, after he's done, give him a great big hug. It is important to love your enemies and not let them get the best of you. If it's in the Bible, it must be true! The same goes for T.V., too.
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